


tell me how to forget you

by purplesunsetsx



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 08:09:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21334999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplesunsetsx/pseuds/purplesunsetsx
Summary: Realization hits her.And it hit Chaeyoung hard like a truck on full speed. The impact of the collision took a toll on her mind and body.
Relationships: Kim Dahyun/Minatozaki Sana, Kim Dahyun/Son Chaeyoung, Minatozaki Sana/Son Chaeyoung, Park Jisoo | Jihyo/Son Chaeyoung
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	tell me how to forget you

**Author's Note:**

> It's 1 am and I just need to get this off my mind before I sleep. Please, enjoy reading!

_There's no need to look for words  
To fabricate this feeling inside  
I just wanna learn  
How to forget._

_\- Porter by I Belong To The Zoo_

_“Chae, baby, wake up.” _

_A soft voice greets Chaeyoung as she slowly opens her eyes. A sweet bright smile and honey brown eyes were the first sight she sees, she barely notices the warmth of the tangled messy limbs. Chaeyoung swore that she wouldn’t mind waking up to that sight for the rest of her life. _

That was 3 years ago.

//

_“Sana, this is my best friend, Chaeyoung. Chae, meet Sana.” _

That was 2 years and 8 months ago.

//

_“Sana, Please understand. I pushed her away the moment her lips pressed into mine. I didn’t kiss back!” Tears are now streaming down her face. _

That was 2 years ago.

//

** _“Sana, I love you. Will you marry me?” _ **

That was 1 year and 5 months ago.

//

_“We can’t keep doing this, Chae.” _

That was 1 year ago.

//

Chaeyoung opens her eyes and suddenly she was back into the reality. The reality where she is currently sitting in one of the tables at a coffee shop near her apartment, _Black Bean—her _favourite café. The reality where there is a girl sitting right across her and the girl is looking at her with a smile she can’t fully recognize, somewhere along wistful and apologetic or maybe a combination of both.

The same girl with honey brown eyes, enticing giggles and sweet smile that Chaeyoung once swore she wouldn’t mind being committed to for the rest of her life. Chaeyoung fights the itch crawling into the skin of her fingertips—the itch to touch something, _someone. _Sana is just in front of her, a few movements and Chaeyoung can hug her again. Chaeyoung can feel her again. But the younger girl didn’t move an inch, she knows she shouldn’t. Sana opens her mouth to speak but immediately closes it. Chaeyoung knows this action, having to witness it a million of times before. Sana is nervous.

Chaeyoung mentally smiles. Internally contemplating whether to give herself credit or scold herself. Chae decides to do the latter. She still notices Sana’s little details of action. She clears her throat and smiles, “How have you been?” The young one starts.

And Chaeyoung swore that she saw a flash of relief in Sana’s eyes. She also noticed the way the tension in Sana’s shoulders loosen, the invisible steam of wariness blowing off of her. “I’m great. How about you?”

Chaeyoung gulps. There are a million replies in her head, varying from a violent, brutal and harsh response to a soft spoken lie. She tried to shut off the voices but the universe isn’t on her side today. Still, she foregoes the thoughts and smiles. “I’m doing okay.”

** _‘Liar! Tell her how you still cry yourself to sleep at night because of her!’ _ **

** _‘Tell her about the scars on your wrist!’ _ **

** _‘Tell her how you still make her poems of agony, longing and love!’_ **

** _‘Tell her how you still want her!’_ **

“That’s great. I’m happy to hear that.” Sana replies.

_I miss you _

Is what would Chaeyoung like to say but instead she settles for

“I heard the news. I’m happy for you.” Chaeyoung tastes the venom in her mouth. The words she uttered hurt more than anything in the world but Chaeyoung already picked her poison.

_Please, come back to me. I’ll do anything. I still love you. _

Sana reaches out to place her hand atop of Chaeyoung, resting at the table. Shivers were felt in the younger’s body. Shots of electricity travelling through from the top of her hand to her very core. _Cold. Sana hands had always been cold. _Chaeyoung is once reminded of a fond memory.

_“How is possible that your hand is still cold even when you’re nearly putting it in the fire?” Chae asks in confusion as she stares at the hands that’s being raised upon the fireplace, apparently, ‘warming’ it up. _

_Sana giggles. Her eyes crinkles as she does. Chaeyoung’s heart did a somersault. “Baby, my hands are always cold.” _

_“Is it a Japanese thing? Momo’s hands are never that cold though.” _

_With this, Sana laughs loud and charming and it did wonders to Chaeyoung’s heart, as always. _

_She grins, her dimples peeking out. She shuffles closer to Sana. “Maybe I should just keep it warm all the time.” She reaches out to hold Sana’s hands. “After all, body heat and love are the best heat insulators.” Chaeyoung wiggles her eyebrows. Sana laughs again before pulling Chaeyoung for a kiss. _

_Body heat is definitely not the best heat insulator but Sana doesn’t have to know that for Chaeyoung made sure that thought dies down in Sana’s mind as she came for the nth time that night. _

One touch. All it took is one touch to make Chaeyoung’s walls crumble into pieces. She’s a fool and she knew it. He knows it still.

How could she ever hate Sana?

How could she ever hate the only woman she swore to love with everything she has?

She breaks out of her stupor when she felt Sana’s thumb brushing her over hand. A calming gesture Chaeyoung used to love. “Chaengie. You’re important to me. Please. I’d like you to be there on the important day of my life.” Chaeyoung’s eyes darts from their joined hands to the other’s brown orbs. _Honey Brown_.

‘Time has a way of healing’ so they say. The pain doesn’t fade away, nor does it lessen. Chaeyoung thinks. 

She smiles. “Of course, I can’t disappoint my best friend now, can I?”

….

Chaeyoung relishes in the way Sana hugged her before they part ways. The Korean has to bite the insides of her cheek to stop the urge to hug Sana back tightly. It’s dangerous. **_So, so dangerous_**. Besides, she lost the right to do that a long time ago. But that didn’t stop her heart from thumping loudly on her chest.

Chaeyoung did not miss the way Sana’s eyes gloss with unshed tears before saying “I mean it, Chaengie. I’m so happy that you’re doing well.”

The Korean girl can’t find it in her to be mad. She’s happy for Sana madly, utterly happy, irrevocable so.

Except maybe Chaeyoung isn’t. Not in a slightest bit

//

Chae cries in the arms of her Jihyo unnie while she re-tales her the story of how it all happened, as she opens the cage of feelings she locked up years ago. As she frees the emotions that’s been bottled up inside her for so long. As she remembers what loving Sana felt like—not like she has stopped loving the girl it’s just that she lets herself re-live those memories wherein there was an actual exchange of love or at least in Chaeyoung’s memory.

Chaeyoung lets herself sob pathetically in Jihyo’s arms and the latter drew circles in her back and kisses her temple, attempting to soothe her pain but _no one can_. Still, Jihyo stays by her side. And Chaeyoung loves Jihyo for that.

....

It was the perfect getting together story if you think about it. Chaeyoung met Sana in a bar, they flirted, a lot. And Chaeyoung liked Sana from then and there, she ended up taking Sana home. But they didn’t do anything other than cuddling and talking, lots of talking. Chae learned that Sana is full-ride scholar student on the university Chaeyoung attends. She is, apparently, gravity-inclined or _she’s just really clumsy. _Chaeyoung also learned that Sana is staying in an apartment with her Japanese friends named Momo and Mina. They talked until the first rays of sunlight hit their skin. Sana stays for the next 24 hours. They formed something that is so much better than one night stands. There is something magical about the way they complement each other, the way they tell each other’s secrets and tales.

Chaeyoung needed a friend and Sana needed a breather.

But that’s all there is to it.

They bid their good byes after 2 days. They didn’t exchanged numbers and such but they knew each other’s name, their house and the chambers of their hearts.

Sana is a sucker for that romantic ‘fate’ thing so she told Chaeyoung that if they meet again, they can have each other for the rest of their lives. Chaeyoung masks the ache in her chest with a laughter and called Sana a ‘cringey cheese.’

Sana kisses her on the forehead before leaving.

\--

And then months after she met Sana again through Dahyun, her best friend.

And Sana has been nothing but pleasurable pain to her since then.

Her pain and her cure.

Her prison and her paradise 

//

“Sana, this is Chaeyoung, My best friend.” Chaeyoung grins, dimples peeking out. Flash of recognition and happiness evident in her eyes. Chaeyoung reaches out, shaking Sana’s hand. The older girl subtly shook her head and holds Chaeyoung’s hands with a firm grip. Chaeyoung didn’t understand.

“Chae, this is Sana, the love of my life.”

Oh.

That’s why.

That’s how they ‘first’ met (again). At Dahyun’s 22nd birthday party. Sana and Dahyun have been together for 9 months that time and Chae and Dahyun have been friends for over 19 years that time.

Chaeyoung remembers thinking what would Sana’s lips taste like as she sees Sana pressing a kiss on Dahyun’s lips after wishing her a Happy birthday.

That was 3 years ago.

//

Cherry with a hint of mint. A soothing feeling with sweet savoury aftertaste. That’s how Sana’s lips taste like. Chaeyoung learns after a few hidden kisses and sneaky pecks over a bittersweet old fashioned drink Jeongyeon managed to make for them.

Chae wakes up to a naked Sana beside her. She knows it’s dangerous. She knows the consequences. She knows she’s playing with fire. But she doesn’t care. She willing burns into the fire of her sins as she feels Sana press a kiss on her cheeks and thanks her for a great time.

“I love you, Sana.”

Sana smiles. “You’re important to me, Chaeyoung.”

That was 2 years and 8 months ago.

//

Their first fight.

“Sana, Please understand. I pushed her away the moment her lips pressed into mine. I didn’t kiss back!” Tears are now streaming down her face.

Yeri, Chaeyoung’s bandmate kissed her. Sana caught them and Sana stormed away. But not without slapping Yeri. _Twice. _

Chaeyoung remembers begging Sana that night. She remembers how Sana aggressively marked her body, possessively touched every inch of her, roughly brought her to the height and hotly made love with her. Repeating the words “you’re mine, Chaeyoung. Only mine. Remember that.” Chaeyoung comes with a loud “Yours, Sana.” 

That was 2 years ago.

//

“Sana, I love you. Will you marry me?” Chaeyoung kneels. Smile on her face. Eyes glinting with hope.

Sana made her stand up. Cupping her face with both hands. She kissed Chaeyoung with utmost care and warmth. Chaeyoung cries. Sana is crying too.

“You know my answer, Chaengie.”

“But I make you happy.”

“The happiest. But Dahyun brings me joy. Chaengie, you are perfect but Dahyun is the best for me.”

At the back of Chaeyoung’s mind, she knew. She knew Sana’s rejection but she still tried because she clings on to the hope that Sana loves her.

That Sana will choose her.

That was 1 year and 5 months ago.

//

“We can’t keep doing this, Chaeyoung.” Sana tone is harsh. Laced with conviction and something sharper than a blade. Sana’s words pierced through her heart.

“What do you mean?” Chae is crying now. Her tears blurs her vision.

“Let’s break up.”

“Sana please. You’re all I have. I love you.” She pleads. She kneels, hugging Sana’s legs.

“Chae we need stop.” Sana looks away. “Dahyun proposed to me. I said yes.”

Chaeyoung didn’t move. Her whole world stilled. She knew there’ll come a time like this but nothing prepared her for it. She cried and cried and cried until Sana left. Sana gave her one last kiss and said thank you for everything then bid her goodbye.

Along with Sana leaving is Chaeyoung’s dreams, future and heart— the same heart shattering into million pieces.

That was 1 year ago.

//

Present time

Chae watches as the Dahyun shed tears when Sana walks to the altar. Sana is crying too. The two held hands and went to the altar together.

Chaeyoung feels the tight but comforting squeeze on her hand. She didn’t need to look at her left side to know that it was Jihyo, holding her, keeping her in her place, keeping her safe. She squeezes back a silent ‘thank you’. 

Chae kept her eyes in front, watching the events unfold. She didn’t blink when the two most important people in her life shared a kiss.

Chaeyoung had watched them kissed before hell, she even had watched them made out and have sex accidentally but none of those hurt her. It didn’t even crossed her mind. She easily forgot about, it didn’t stayed in her mind.

Why? Because she knows, Sana will be hers after.

After Dahyun, Sana will go to Chaeyoung which makes Chaeyoung the winner, right? She didn’t even thought about it until now... when the reality hits her hard. When the realization sink in that after this. No Sana will barged into her apartment’s door and kiss her senseless as an apology. No Sana will make love to her. No Sana will greet her in the morning. No more Sana.

Because after that kiss, after this wedding,

Sana is no longer hers. (Sana was never hers from the start anyway.)

The effect of the realization can rushing into her body like the blood pumping quickly on her veins. Her body runs cold. Her inside feels weird. Her stomach churns. She can’t feel her hands nor did the warmth Jihyo radiates when the older hugged her to hide her eyes from the kissing scene though it’s too late since Chaeyoung had already seen it all. Her vision darkens. Her sweat ticks. Her chest hurts. There is a hollow feeling of pain in her chest like someone has ripped off her heart.

Chaeyoung closes her eyes, biting her lips until her tongue recognizes a faint taste of iron.

Chaeyoung swore to never taste and forever hate cherries and mint as tears fall freely on her face.

**Author's Note:**

> This un-proofread. Lots of grammatical errors here and there, Sorry! Send your thoughts on twitter @jihyoesuwu


End file.
